More tranny stories later!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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