All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize