Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize