I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
