Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
