you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
