We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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