I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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