True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
