dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
