My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
wow bdsm is so cute
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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