Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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