i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
