She's JV to your varsity
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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