We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
