this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
