when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
