I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize