I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
