p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
