there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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