I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
