I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
