i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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