im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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