just tell him i said nine months
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I did not marry a roomba.
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