I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
