She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
