i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
