I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
