I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
