ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
