Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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