It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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