More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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