ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
