Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
