Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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