Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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