Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
