i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
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