i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
