I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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