I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
