it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
