Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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