you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize