Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dicks are not precious.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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