Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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