We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
