I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
