I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
