i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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