She's JV to your varsity
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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