Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
