Apparently you make a good broom.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
