Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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