Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
