I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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