I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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