I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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