If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
