Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
