May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
